James G. Thurber (1894—1961)
作者瑟勃出生於美國俄亥俄（Ohio）州之Columbus。他是美國現代幽默大師，文畫雙絕。他的漫畫以臃腫而懦弱的男人，臃腫而凶橫的女人，以及神經質的狗為題材，最能反映病態的西方文明社會。他的著作很多，如Further Fables for Our Time，所收為供成人閱讀的伊索寓言式的故事。這篇《大學生活回憶》原為他的自傳My Life and Hard Times（1933）裡的一章，現在選擇「植物學課」和「經濟學課」的幾段，在這裡發表。（錄自Modern Library出版的《美國最佳幽默小說集》（Best American Humorous Short Stories）。美國式的幽默，通常以胡鬧與胡說（nonsense）為主，不一定有什麼尖刻的諷刺，或是高尚的含義。中國近代知識分子，大多推崇高級的幽默，而鄙視低級的滑稽。其實喜劇與悲劇，歷史同樣久遠；喜劇主要的目的是叫人笑，並不一定有什麼明確的教訓。莎士比亞的幽默，胡鬧與胡說的成份很多，但是莎士比亞的喜劇天才，同他的悲劇天才一樣受到舉世的稱頌。這幾段文章的描寫可能誇張，記事不一定忠實，問題是看讀者覺得好笑不好笑了。
I passed all the other courses that I took at my University, but I could never pass botany. This was because all botany students had to spend several hours a week in a laboratory looking through a microscope at plant cells, and I could never see through a microscope. I never once saw a cell through a microscope. This used to enrage my instructor. He would wander around the laboratory pleased with the progress all the students were making in drawing the involved and, so I am told, interesting structure of flower cells, until he came to me. I would just be standing there. \"I can\'t see anything,\" I would say. He would begin patiently enough, explaining how anybody can see through a microscope, but he would always end up in a fury, claiming that I could too see through a microscope but just pretend that I couldn\'t. \"It takes away from the beauty of flowers anyway,\" I used to tell him. \"We are not concerned with beauty in this course,\" he would say. \"We are concerned solely with what I may call the mechanics of flars,\" \"Well,\" I\'d say, \"I can\'t see anything.\" \"Try it just once again,\" he\'d say, and I would put my eye to the microscope and see nothing at all, except now and again a nebulous milky substance—a phenomenon of maladjustment. You were supposed to see a vivid, restless clockwork of sharply defined plant cells, \"I see what looks like a lot of milk,\" I would tell him. This, he claimed, was the result of my not having adjusted the microscope properly, so he would readjust it for me, or rather, for himself. And I would look again and see milk.
● that I took的took有「修讀」之意。my University指Ohio State University。
● botany students：修植物學的學生。（同樣的，English students 指修讀英語的學生。）microscope：顯微鏡。plant cells：植物細胞。I could never see：事實上，Thurber確有眼疾，近年幾已成盲人。他寫稿時，字寫得很大，一張紙上只寫寥寥數十字。但他仍寫文作畫不輟，精神可佩。
● instructor：狹義是「講師」（大學教員的一個等級），廣義是「授課的先生」。這兒用的是廣義，因為這位先生是一個「教授」。
● He would：這一段裡would用得很多，表示過去的習慣。pleased是過去分詞，形容主語He，教授看見全班學生在畫細胞圖，心裡很高興。the progress all the students were making：這裡progress的意思，不是「進步」，而是「進行」——先畫了一個輪廓，然後愈畫愈詳細。structure：（花卉細胞之）結構。這種結構是複雜的（involved），據說（so I am told）也是有趣的。
● standing there：大家都在埋頭作畫，我只是站著。
● end up：他開頭很耐心地對我解釋，顯微鏡裡的細胞是人人看得見的；最後總要大發雷霆（fury），說我一定也看得見的，只是假裝（pretending）看不見而已。claim=to assert or maintain as a fact。
● It takes away from中的It指在顯微鏡中看花這件事。takes在這裡是不及物動詞。takes away from：減損。anyway：不管顯微鏡裡看得見看不見細胞。
● concerned with：所關心者，所注意者。
● mechanics：機械結構之學。花是有生命的東西，當然和沒有生命的機械不同，但是細胞的結構，其配合整齊，亦可與機械結構相比。故教授說「我可以稱之為花的機械結構的學問」。flars：教授讀flowers時，嘴張得太大，讀成了這個音。
● now and again：有時。nebulous：雲霧狀的。milky：牛奶狀的。a phenomenon of maladjustment：因調整不良（顯微鏡的焦距沒有對好）而產生的現象。
● You：泛指看顯微鏡的人。restless：活動不息的。clockwork：發條機械；呼應前面的mechanics。sharply defined：輪廓鮮明的。
● for me, or rather, for himself：與其說為我調整，不如說為他自己調整。教授調整好了，他自己先看。
I finally took a deferred pass, as they called it, and waited a year and tried again. (You had to pass one of the biological sciences or you couldn\'t graduate.) The professor had come back from vacation brown as a berry, brightened, and eager to explain cell-structure again to his classes. \"Well,\" he said to me, cheerily when we met in the first laboratory hour of the semester, \"we\'re going to see cells this time, aren\'t we?\" \"Yes, sir,\" I said. Students to right of me and to left of me and in front of me were seeing cells; what\'s more, they were quietly drawing pictures of them in their notebooks. Of course, I didn\'t see anything.
● deferred pass：重修後給學分（延遲的及格）。as they called it：學生手則上有這樣一個名稱。（they系泛指。）
● You同上段的You一樣，也是泛指。在那所大學裡讀書，必須選修一門生物科學（動物學、植物學、生理學、遺傳學等），否則不得畢業。
● vacation：美國人喜歡到山上海邊去度暑假，回來的時候，皮膚曬得紅紅的（應該說是「棕色的」，但是中國人不大說「棕色的」）。
● the first laboratory hour：本學期第一堂實驗課。
● were seeing：see用進行式，是不常見的。但這裡應該用進行式：教授和我談話的時候，同學們都在看顯微鏡；非但是看（looking through），而且都從顯微鏡裡看見細胞。
\"We\'ll try it,\" the professor said to me grimly, \"with every adjustment of the microscope known to man. As God is my witness, I\'ll arrange this glass so that you see cells through it or I\'ll give up teaching. In twenty-two years of botany, I—\" He cut off abruptly for he was beginning to quiver all over, like Lionel Barrymore.
● grimly：教授的臉沉下去了。known to man：全人類所知道的調整顯微鏡的方法本來只有這麼幾種，教授都給用上了。
● As God is my witness：賭咒的話——你這次再看不見細胞，我就不（give up）吃這碗教書飯了。
● cut off abruptly：話突然停住。教授愈說愈氣，全身發抖。
● Lionel Barrymore：當年有名的性格演員，擅演暴躁易怒的老人。
So we tried it with every adjustment of the microscope known to man. With only one of them did I see anything but blackness or the familiar lacteal opacity, and that time I saw, to my pleasure and amazement, a variegated constellation of flecks, specks and dots. These I hastily drew. The instructor, noting my activity, came back from an adjoining desk, a smile on his lips and his eyebrows high in hope. He looked at my cell drawing. \"What\'s that?\" he demanded, with a hint of squeal in his voice. \"That\'s what I saw,\" I said. \"You didn\'t, you didn\'t, you didn\'t!\" he screamed, losing control of his temper instantly, and he bent over and squinted into the microscope. His head snapped up. \"That\'s your eye!\" he shouted. \"You\'ve fixed the lens so that it reflects! You\'ve drawn your eye!\"
● with every adjustment：套用前面教授的話。
● with only one of them：用各種調整方法，我所看見的只是一片黑暗，或是平常那種牛奶狀（lacteal）的模糊一團（opacity）。opacity的形容詞形式是opaque。lacteal意同前面的milky；只是lacteal的字源是拉丁文；milky的字源是盎格魯撒克遜文。可是有一次調整對了，我所見不同。那一次，我看見了很多斑斑點點（flecks, specks and dots），聚成一堆（constellation：星座），形狀斑駁複雜（variegated），我大為驚喜。
● noting my activity：見到我在畫圖了。adjoining desk：隔壁那張桌子。his eyebrows high in hope：教授滿懷希望，眉毛抬得老高。
● a hint of squeal：聲音裡有點尖聲慘叫的味道。you didn\'t：似為you didn\'t see that之略。squinted：瞇著眼睛往裡看。
● snapped up：頭猛地一抬。
● lens：透鏡。reflects：反射，這裡用作不及物動詞。笨學生所看見的，原來是自己眼睛的反影！
Another course that I didn\'t like, but somehow managed to pass, was economics. I went to that class straight from the botany class, which didn\'t help me any in understanding either subject. I used to get them mixed up. But not as mixed up as another student in my economics class who came there direct from a physics laboratory. He was a tackle on the football team, named Bolenciecwcz. At that time Ohio State University had one of the best football teams in the country, and Bolenciecwcz was one of its outstanding stars. In order to be eligible to play it was necessary for him to keep up in his studies, a very difficult matter, for while he was not dumber than an ox he was not any smarter. Most of his professors were lenient and helped him along. None gave him more hints, in answering questions, or asked him simpler ones than the economics professor, a thin, timid man named Bassum.
● another course：生物學之外，經濟學他也不喜歡；但是他總是不知怎麼想法子「弄」（managed）及格的。
● straight：直接地。一上完生物學，就去上經濟學。which：這兩門課，連著上（這點事實）。either：兩樣東西之任何一樣。
● get them mixed up：把兩門功課混淆起來。
● But not…：此句不完全，僅是補充前句的mixed up。direct：這個字同前面的straight一樣，用作副詞。
● tackle：截球員（美國式足球球員中之一角色）。Bolenciecwcz：此人恐怕是波蘭裔；名字的讀音很難，讀者可不必深究。
● eligible：有入選資格。to keep up in his studies：各門都及格；有一門不及格，就不可以參加比賽。dumber：較笨。smarter：較聰明。
● lenient：寬；特別客氣。helped him along：幫他及格。注意：along有「前進」之意。
● thin, timid man：這樣一個「瘦怯怯」的教授，同這個其笨如牛的學生，正好成一滑稽的對照。教授要幫學生及格，發問的時候，大多給他暗示（give him hints），免得他多費腦筋思索，或者問些很容易的題目（simpler ones=simpler questions）；但是講到暗示之多，題目之容易，沒有一位教授比得上這位經濟學教授的。
One day when we were on the subject of transportation and distribution, it came Bolenciecwcz\'s turn to answer a question. \"Name one means of transportation,\" the professor said to him. No light came into the big tackle\'s eyes. \"Just any means of transportation,\" said the professor, \"any medium, agency, or method of going from one place to another.\" Bolenciecwcz had the look of a man who is being led into a trap. \"You may choose among steam, horse-drawn, or electrically propelled vehicles,\"said the instructor, \"I might suggest the one which we commonly take in making long journeys across land.\"
● transportation and distribution：運輸與分配（經濟學的一個題目）。
● it came Bolenciecwcz\'s turn：這裡的it用語法家Jespersen的術語，應該是preparatory \"it\"的一種。it就是turn，不過這個字先出來，為名詞turn作一準備。句法結構大致同下句相仿：
It\'s no use crying over spilt milk.
● 教授的用字太深，為笨學生所不能理解：means of transportation（交通工具）。教授看見學生瞠目不知所對（眼睛裡沒有光）就換一種說法：any medium, agency, or method of going from one place to another，那時學生更覺糊塗，臉上的表情就像一個被人家設圈套愚弄的人一樣。
● 教授叫學生任意舉一種交通工具，後來縮小範圍，叫他任意舉一種「車輛」（vehicles）：在蒸汽推動，馬力拖曳，電力推動各種車輛中任舉一種。
● the one：這種車輛。take：乘坐。在陸地上長距離旅行乘坐的車輛，應該是火車。
There was a profound silence in which everybody stirred uneasily, including Bolenciecwcz and Mr. Bassum. Mr. Bassum abruptly broke this silence in an amazing manner. \"Choo-choochoo,\" he said, in a low voice, and turned instantly scarlet. He glanced appealingly around the room. All of us, of course, shared Mr. Bassum\'s desire that Bolcnciecwcz should stay abreast of the class in economics, for the Illinois game, one of the hardest and most important of the season, was only a week off. \"Toot, toot, too—tooooooot!\" some student with a deep voice moaned, and we all looked encouragingly at Bolenciecwcz. Somebody else gave a fine imitation of a locomotive letting off steam. Mr. Bassum himself rounded off the little show. \"Ding, dong, ding, dong,\" he said, hopefully. Bolenciecwcz was staring at the floor now, trying to think, his great brow furrowed, his huge hands rubbing together, his face red.
● 題目問得如此之淺，而學生仍舊答不出來。班上雖然大家不開口，但是人人都有點不安的騷動。
● Choo-choo-choo：火車的聲音。教授模仿了這種聲音，自己覺得不好意思，臉上立刻緋紅。
● appealingly：請求（幫助）地。教授沒有辦法了，且看同學中有沒有人能夠打開這個僵局。
● shared Mr. Bassum\'s desire：同具此感。教授的尊稱用Mr.在美國大學裡是很普通的。通常美國各大學的概況裡課程名稱與內容一章，對於授課教員一律稱之為Mr.，不管他的身份是教授或副教授。stayed abreast of：跟得上；不留級。
● the Illinois game：大概是和University of Illinois比賽的一場足球賽。the season：足球季節；美國通常是在秋季。only a week off：還有一個星期就要比球了，假如此君這個題目答不上來，校隊就要少一員大將。
● Toot, toot…：這個聲音更像火車了。encouragingly：以鼓勵的眼光看他。
● letting off steam：火車頭排氣的聲音。
● the little show：上課成了口技表演了。rounded off：使圓滿結束。
● Ding, dong：火車站的鐘聲。hopefully：期待地（這下子他總該答得出來了）。
● great和huge二字表示其人的魁梧。brow furrowed：蹙額。
\"How did you come to college this year, Mr. Bolenciewcz?\" asked the professor. \"Chuffa chuffa, chuffa chuffa.\"
\"M\'father sent me,\" said the football player.
\"What on?\" asked Bassum.
\"I git an \'lowance,\" said the tackle, in a low, husky voice, obviously embarrassed.
\"No, no,\" said Mr. Bassum. \"Name a means of transportation. What did you ride here on?\"
\"Train,\" said Bolenciecwcz.
\"Quite right,\" said the professor. \"Now, Mr. Nugent, will you tell us—\"
● M\'father=my father。What on? 教授問他是坐什麼車，但是on字意義很多，學生誤會是問他靠什麼來維持生活的（例如live on），所以回答說是「有一筆津貼」。git當是got，這位學生發音是不准的。an\'lowance=an allowance。
● 最後總結算答對了，教授又問另一個學生Mr. Nugent別的問題了。全班那時當然鬆了一口氣，這些話都不必說。作者的文字很簡練，要言不煩，幽默而不流入油滑，作者自己似乎是板起了臉來敘述這一段有趣的故事的。莎士比亞說：Brevity is the soul of wit.旨哉斯言。